Category: Joke Board
Things You Don't Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness
"I don't know what it is, but hurry up and pack it in ice."
"Hey Charlie, unzip the bag on that one, he's still moving."
"Blink once for 'yes'."
"What do you mean we have the wrong patient?"
"Why is there a tag on his toe?"
"Do you think he can hear us?"
"I didn't even know a human could bend that way."
"I'm sorry, we must not have used enough anasthesia."
"Just relax now. We'll be done in a jiffy."
"Hold the patient still, we've almost pried it open."
"Did the doctor know he would look like that afterwards?"
"Of course I've performed this operation before, Nurse!"
"Nurse, make sure you're getting all this down."
"It'll make a great 'ER' script."
Bob
How about, "We're losing her!"
Actually, Steven King did a short story about a guy who wakes up in the hospital, he's apparently suffered a heart attack and they are about to do an autopsy on him. He can't move, talk, blink, nada! but he can hear and see in one fixed direction.
I can't remember the name of the story or the collection it was in, but it's rather interesting.
Bob
The story is called "The Autopsy Room." As to its whereabouts in a collection, I'm clueless.
Hey Jim,
This is what I get for trying to be intellectually lazy.
The story is in the collection called "everything's eventual".
Bob
Um...., lol
Damn it, Bob! I don't mean to sound offensive but, damn it, you must be a sick-minded individual. Where the heck do you get the ideas for these jokes? Ha ha ha!
How about, oh shit! he's awake, son-of-a-bitch he's gonna talk. Shit! he's gonna talk. Hit him in the head again.
lolol
Or, oh damn it. Maybe we should have put a little more plutonium in her food. Shit, she's gonna rat us out. bash her brains in a little more and call me when she's croked.
Shove the bag over his head again, he's starting to come around. maybe we shouldn't have taken that last shortcut to Pretoria. They might find out.
Quick, wash the whip cream off her toes and go brush your teeth!
ha ha ha! Love it.
Bob
LOL Raskolnikov. I had foot surgery several months ago and would have loved hearing that one as I woke up. LOL
Shit, we cut off the rong leg as if that isn't bad enough our patient is waking up.
do you think we should tell her about the secret ingreediant in her iced tea? Na, probably not. Better to just let her lye here and flop around like a dead fish for a while. Oh shit, someone's coming. quick, smear some of that blood on the roof of the car, make it look like we kind of found her like this, run like hell and hope that no one sees.
Now Mr. Biko, this won't hurt a bit, I want you to lye still as I shove this rather large needle into your spine even though its perfectly clear that there's nothing wrong with your sorry ass. Oh shit, I hope you didn't hear what I just said.
How about this one? "Oops, I hope he won't discover THAT missing for awhile!"
oh don't worry about it, its perfectly normal for your foot to do that.
"Hold the patient still. We've almost pried it open."
That one made me physically squirm! Oh god!
Oh don't worry about it, this is my first time performing this opperation.
Yall are crazy!
And we like it that way.
Father Bear, please don't state the obvious.
blather blather!
Bob
Who would have figured we could get that many ping pong balls in there?
Makes me think about this news story I read. I don't remember all the details, but this guy went through airport security, set off the detectors, and it turned out the doctors left some surgical tool (as I recall, something rather sharp) inside the poor dude.
Oh shit Doc. I was hoping I'd get away with that mistake... Looks like he's waking up!
hahahaha, I had knee surgery once, and I woke up early, I don't remember them saying anything, but I woke up just in time for them to pull out the damn tube from my throat. I strained so hard I popped a blood vessel in my eye, and thankfully, passed out again. lol
Ouch! I've read articles about people who wake up too soon but are paralyzed and can't let the docs know they are awake. I can't imagine anything more horrible.
yep, couldn't speak obviously, because of the tube in my throat. lol
oh, its not going to hurt at all. We're just going to drill a hole through your brains covering.
Didn't they make a movie on this or something? I'm not sure if it was the steeven king book or not, but I remember seeing previews a while back about a guy who wakes up to early from an operation and finds out he's gonna be killed or something.
*shudders* scary. Lol
The list made me laugh the whole way, but its horrible if it actually happened to the person. Its really scary to think that some of these incidents happen. I don't want to regain consciousness this way.
"He's an ingineer. I'm sure he'll understand if he discovers that there are now some parts missing."